hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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