So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
