so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
