I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
