What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
