I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
