8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
