Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
