His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
