he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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