I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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