I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
