Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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