It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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