he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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