We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she told me i tasted like america
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
