Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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