So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
