there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
