someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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