I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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