I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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