So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
