Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
