The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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