i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
