I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
