I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
