Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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