too bad you live with your parents still
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
