Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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