So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
