I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
