woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
