so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
