when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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