I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
