What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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