I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
did i just pee glitter
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize