Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
