You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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