Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize