You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
