i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
