I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
