no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
