So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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