I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
