I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
