So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
