just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
