so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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