Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize