Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
