you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
