Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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