I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
