If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
