2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
