please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
