I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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