i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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