I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Randomize
