when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
