he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
