somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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