I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
