Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
