she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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