If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Randomize