he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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